Imaginif

The Mema award is a long coveted award given out to many women - most not as young as me (44) and occasionally to women a little younger. It is a parenting award that comes with a somewhat demanding and ethical commitment to keeping children safe. But, more to come on that because I am sworn to confidentiality until the official announcement date on the 24th (Thursday). I have my automated email newsletter set to send at 12.01am  on the 24th. If you haven’t yet opted in to receive the Imaginf monthly newsletter, I strongly encourage you to do so now.

I will be so busy responding to people offering congratulations on Thursday (aka getting all the goss) that I may not even have a chance to blog about my Mema reward. But that’s okay because it’s all about meme…

Meme’s, that’s right, that’s what I’m writing about today (the above is classified information so I’m not allowed to talk about it yet!). I recently caught a viral meme from two bloggers I frequent. Tamara from A Peek at the life of a work at home Mom tagged me to disclose “Seven Random things about me” (I’m disappointed there’s only seven - how will I choose?) and Marj from Survivors can Thrive threw me the ball and asked me to play in the Survivor Needs meme. Marj has requested a list of 25 needs and wants - now that’s much more my style of over indulgence.

I’m an army brat (Dad was an Army officer) so I LOVE rules (not!).  However, because I like the work that Tamara does I will follow the rules of her: Seven Random things about me meme

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you (done).
2. Post these rules on your blog (done).
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself (about to be done)
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs (ditto).
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog (ditto).

So here are seven (okay, eight) random things about me:

1. I have been married three times (third time VERY lucky for me [and him] because I swore off relationships after my second divorce).
2. I have sexually transmitted debt from a previous marriage.
3. I ended up a Social Worker by default. My first choice was medicine and I took straight academics at school. Post school, a marriage at 18, two babies and a divorce later, I realised I had no work skills. I went to uni and completed the only course I was semi interested in and that I could finish without having to move my children to another town. Social Work was the right degree for me to do and I LOVE what I do.
4. I am terrified of being alone and defenceless at night time. When Paul works away (frequently) I do not sleep. Whereas my sense of reason and calm cognitions tell me that nobody can get in and hurt me, stinkin’ thinkin’ takes over and convinces me that there is a man with a knife coming to rape and murder me. I kid you not - it is my greatest fear and it takes me over when I am home alone at night time. Lucky for me that I have the ability to have serious counselling sessions with myself and am able to place my fear where it belongs - in a tiny part of my entire thought system. I value thoughts of safety greater than irrational and debilitating thoughts of burglars and I concentrate on them. The burglar with the knife is perceived, my locked doors are real.
5. I was born and grew up in Papua New Guinea. My parents loved PNG so much that they continually asked for posting after posting back to PNG. We returned to Australia when I was about 12.
6. My mother has a debilitating movement disorder known as Dystonia. A Social Worker as well, she uses her blog as an educative tool for others wanting to know about Dystonia and its effects.
7. I am addicted to work. It is more than a good work ethic, I really am suffering from the respectable addiction of workaholism. I like it, it suits me, I have no children at home and therefore I have no intention of dealing with my workaholism. I want a business partner like me if you know anyone! However, it is still an addiction - respectable or not!
8. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and this is the first time I have ever made a public statement about it (it is not a secret but I am careful with self disclosures because they may stop others from disclosing to me). From the ages of seven to 15, there would not have been a twelve month period where I was not sexually abused. There were many perpetrators (one was a politician) and my parents never knew about the early perpetrators until I told them when I was 27 years old. My parents knew only about a gang rape at 13 and an Army Officer who groped me when I was 15 - while my parents were present! Silly man. 

And moving onto Marj’s Survivor Needs meme; the rules of the “Survivor Needs” Meme are:

• Please link back to this post so people can see the origins of the meme, get ideas for their own self-care list, see who’s already been tagged, and maybe we can track how far this meme goes.
• List 25 needs and five wants. Try to restrict your needs list to things that have to do with being a survivor of some sort of abuse, assault, etc. Your wants list can be anything you want!
• Use this list to remind yourself to get your needs met this holiday season and in the New Year.

• Pass on the meme and tag five people to play the meme with you.

My needs as a survivor of child sexual assault:

1. to be gentle on myself and place my survivor idiosyncrasies into perspective. I am not crazy because I get so fearful when alone at night time - I was abused by burglars and my fear has a basis in reality
2. to maintain privacy and control over who knows my intimate details (what am I doing putting this on the internet??????)
3. to remember that what happened to me was NEVER my fault
4. to remember that not all men are child abusers
5. to accept that some people are ignorant around what happens because they’ve never experienced it themselves (lucky beggars)
6. to respond to and trust my intuition
7. to raise the profile of child sexual abuse in a positive way
8. to join with other people affected by child sexual abuse
9. to not have my career destroyed as a result of this most public (and very scary) disclosure
10. to continue to devote my life to educating about and preventing child sexual assault
11. to check my anger - it is my anger at what happened to me and it is inappropriate to project my anger onto others
12. to be believed about what happened to me
13. to be respected for having taken so long to come public
14. to not be laughed at in regard to my sometimes disabling fear of being alone at night time
15. to control my home area - I DO NOT allow men into my bedroom. I would rather have a broken air conditioner than allow a strange man into my private quarters
16. to remove the societal tag of “damaged goods” that often comes across when people disclose they are survivors (why do you think it has taken me so long to disclose publicly)
17. to take my time deciding whether I feel safe or not. Sometimes I need to differentiate between stinkin’ thinkin’ and intuition
18. to be able to react, find out that I over reacted and be forgiven for acting in survivor mode
19. to NEVER be made fun of or told that I am mad because of a survivor related idiosyncrasy (poor Paul learnt this very early in our relationship - sorry Darling)
20. to not be accused of participating in my own oppression (oh please - I am the least likely to do that)
21. to be surrounded by people who understand the dynamics of child abuse
22. to change the negative social stigma of being a survivor into a positive and powerful marketing tool - survivor power that can and will change trends and advertising campaigns
23. to make perpetrators responsible for what they do - children are NEVER responsible for something an adult does to them
24. to prevent another child from being abused
25. to not be judged and have this very personal disclosure used against me in a negative way. I have disclosed because I wanted to, I was ready and I felt more uneasy than safe that someone may perceive me as dishonest if it ever came out that I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.

My wants:

1. to be an advocate for child sexual abuse prevention
2. to place child safety and child protection as hot topics on society’s agenda
3. to go pro blogger and continue to positively affect prevention in a way that reaches millions of people
4. to encourage you to do something today for a survivor of child sexual assault. Whereas I am strong and my personality has protected me against many of the long term effects of sexual abuse, others are not so lucky. They may be the walking dead; life termers in their perpetual jail of emotional pain - numbed and dissociated because of what another person has done to them. Don’t you do it too. Help them; reach out, recognise and hear their truth
5. to join forces with Oprah Winfrey (I have the greatest respect for her philanthropic work and advocacy of child abuse) and make survivor blogs and advertising popular like you have never seen. By trending up sexual assault issues, stigmas are removed, policy makers listen and advertisers realise the power that one in three people have over child safety.

I am tagging seven other bloggers and it is your choice to pick from one of these memes. You may not be a survivor of child abuse but I am sure that there are seven random things about you to share. You may have already played in one of these memes - play the other one instead. Most importantly, only ever share what you are comfortable with.Tag - you are it:

• Nancy from Child Person from the South,
• any of the writer/survivors from Elaan - Combat Child Sexual Abuse and Incest In Kolkata, India,
• Keran from Birdwing Therapies,  
• Lisa from lisaharman.com,
• Opal at Vegan Momma,
• Craig (aka Mr Motivation) hanging out at Craig’s site, and
• the enchanting Mike from Playborhood (I LOVE that site; have you seen it?).

I am left feeling a wee bit scared, naked, exposed and vulnerable. My first ever public disclosure of my early life has been a long time coming. However, I will soon recover from my shallow breathing and trembling knees. I am resourceful and tenacious. I have never been a victim and I will always be a survivor. I am proud of that. It is possibly my greatest achievement. The perpetrators have no power over me anymore. Thank you Marj and the entire survivor community for having been supportive of each other and dedicated to the eradication of child abuse.

Imaginif there was a world without child abuse.