Imaginif

One crisp autumn evening we took a stroll after an early dinner.  Why I only wore a light jacket, I don’t know!  I had on a heavier one this morning, patting myself on the back for dressing for the weather.  It didn’t take long for the sun to put paid to my smugness.  I had to de-jacket and still suffer the consequences of too many layers.  I guess it will get better before the winter gets here and I will know how to gauge the sky and estimate the temperature.  After all it is only the start of our third month in the UK.   

I often wonder how the trees know that it is September and time to shed the leaves.  The first of the month and already there is a glimpse of the glory of the golden shedding.  It is meant to be quite spectacular.  I can’t wait – I think!   

A detour took us through one of the many colourful gardens – public of course, not someone’s backyard.  (Well, actually there aren’t too many of those in the neighbourhood where we have found a beautiful basement flat close to the city heart.)  It had winding pathways, landscaped gardens, fountains, hidden rockeries and thick lush lawn.  It also had a group of young lads taking refuge near one of the rockeries.  They had found themselves a secluded drinking place.  Well a drinking place anyway.  Obviously if we saw them, then it wasn’t all that secluded.  I would guess their average age was around sixteen.  Six lads and a carton/slab of beer.  With the likelihood of them devouring four cans each I can only imagine the excitement coursing through their minds and young bodies. 

We didn’t sneer at them or have a go.  After all we were young once.  We looked them square on and smiled and, at least one of them called out a brave and friendly “Hi”.  It was pretty much a “yup – caught us huh!”  My heart screamed out what I hoped their parenting had taught them – “take it easy, clean up after yourself, and watch each other’s backs.”  

Teens are going to explore and take the odd risk ……or a hundred.    We need to know that.  We need to know that it is part of the transition to becoming one of us – wise, old fuddy duddies!  We also need to know that it is our responsibility to teach them how to handle the passage with safety. 

When my son was facing the pressure to drink, before he had finished school, we drew up a contract together about child safety, his safety and safe drinking.  Basically we agreed that he wouldn’t go somewhere where there was the likelihood of him drinking without letting me know first; he would not hesitate to call me if he found himself in trouble with drink; and we together decided he would have no more than four beers.  It amazed me when some of his classmates brought a bottle of spirits along to our place for a supervised party. (I thought safety at home provided a better chance for safety in general.)  What is safe about giving under aged lads spirits?  Are they ready for the responsibility of diluting their drinks sensibly?  

(Mind you I am not naïve enough to think that there were times when my son pushed the boundary.  The point is that there was communication, there was a boundary, there was a safety valve.) 

I didn’t stick around to see that these lads “took it easy, cleaned up after themselves, and watched each other’s backs”….. well it’s not my responsibility, is it?  They left themselves open to any assault or abuse!   

Well is it?

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I went to a party, and remembered what you said.  You told me not to drink, Mum so I had a sprite instead.  

I felt proud of myself, the way you said I would, that I didn’t drink and drive, though some friends said I should.  I made a healthy choice, and your advice to me was right, the party finally ended, and the kids drove out of sight.  

I got into my car, sure to get home in one piece, I never knew what was coming, Mum something I expected least.  Now I’m lying on the pavement, and I hear the policeman say, the kid that caused this wreck was drunk.  Mum, his voice seems far away.  My own blood’s all around me, as I try hard not to cry. I can hear the paramedic say, this girl is going to die.  I’m sure the guy had no idea, while he was flying high, because he chose to drink and drive, now I would have to die.  

So why do people do it, Mum knowing that it ruins lives?  And now the pain is cutting me, like a hundred stabbing knives.  Someone should have taught him, that it’s wrong to drink and drive. Maybe if his parents had, I’d still be alive.  My breath is getting shorter, Mum I’m getting really scared.  These are my final moments, and I’m so unprepared.  I wish that you could hold me Mum, as I lie here and die.  I wish that I could say, “I love you, Mum!”

So I love you and good-bye.

(MADD – Mothers Against Drink Drivers) 

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