Imaginif

Article by Megan Bayliss

Husband and I had a fight. I was immature. I name called and blamed him while very nicely skirting any responsibility myself. I felt stupid after wards. I don’t really know why we fought. You know, it was just a whole heap of little frustrations, things that slightly annoyed me but not sufficiently to actually say or do something about them. They just kept building, one on top of the other and then, when I was pent up with premenstrual tension, I exploded. I threw a tantrum and took my nastiness out on someone I loved.

Does this story sound familiar? Thought so. It is a story that I hear regularly, and that, yes, I play out myself on occasion. This story though can teach us a thing or two about child protection and how easy it is for a parent to abuse one they love too. This is exactly how it begins for those mothers who abuse their children. They allow things to build up: and then they explode.

Frustrations mount. The baby cries, takes up time, makes us fat, boring, tired, etc, etc. You know, just a whole heap of little frustrations, things that slightly annoy us but not sufficiently to actually say or do something about them. They just keep building, one on top of the other and then, when we are pent up with fatigue and tension, we explode. The partner may be at work, or non existent, but that crying baby is there. It will do, I’LL JUST TELL IT THAT IT IS A USELESS PIECE OF LIFE RUINING SH*T. I don’t really mean it. I just need to vent my frustration.

This is child abuse - plain and simple. When I fight with the man that I love more than chocolate, I feel horrible. He tells me he feels horrible too. We both say things we don’t mean and thank goodness we have the cognitive maturity to understand this. Imagine if one of us were a child (acting like children does not mean we are children) though. How much worse would we feel. If my husband told me I was a useless piece of life ruining sh*t, I would be devastated. My esteem may become so damaged that I would not want to leave my home. I might even suicide. If I was a child, what would I do? Where would I go? Who could I cry to? If Mum/Dad think I’m useless, then so will everybody else. I may as well act that way, because I am anyway. How long do I have to wait before I can just die.

The emotional damage done to children when we parents child abuse them (yes, I purposely changed fight to child abuse) is something that can be avoided. The key is in interrupting the build up of frustrations. If every adult took responsibility and talked about their frustrations in their relationship then there would be many less fights. If every parent had a support network of people to rely upon, to talk to, to halve frustrations with, then the probability of the frustration overload meltdown may be reduced meaning that there may be less incidents of domestic terrorism against our children.

Not everyone has personal supports, but, we can each act as a personal support without even knowing it. Next time you see a young parent reaching for a high tin on the grocery shelf, help them. Next time you see parents trying to get the kids through the store door, help them. Next time you hear the rising voice of a parent reaching the “I’m about to become hysterical” pitch, stop and help them. Act as a support and in turn know that you may be acting as a frustration laxative - better to purge the frustration as it occurs rather than allow for a damaging constipated explosion. Better to get rid of the sh*t now rather than calling an innocent child a sh*t and blame the child for everything wrong in your life.

Don’t be a child abuser. If you do nothing to break mounting frustrations around you then you are not a supporter of protecting children either. It is time to make a life choice - will you deal with frustrations as they arise or will you hit out and harm someone?

 Note: While I acknowledge that women abuse children, I also recognise that the reasons leading to abuse are different and that child abuse is a gendered crime. Child abuse, in its many forms, is unacceptable, whether it be perpetrated by men or women.

Photo courtresy of Mirinkk at stock.xchng