Imaginif

Last week I did the unforgivable in child safety as far as my household was concerned…I confiscated the TV, stereo, play station and Internet for a month from my foster kids. Why? Well, we appear to be taking what we have, including each other, for granted. And this, methinks, does not foster safe relationships with ourselves, each other or social others. Tho this is my first time parenting, so I could be way off base with this method.

My support workers and the kid’s CSOs asked me to really think about what I was doing - would the repercussions be worth it? Would the kids fight with verbal abuse even more? (How this is possible I do not know Would the action jeopardize my relationship with the kids? (Again - I don’t see what they could call me or taunt me with which they haven’t already). At the end of the house meeting the support workers and CSOs just wanted to be assured that I wasn’t creating more of a stressful environment for myself, and therefore the kids. I was quietly confident that I had made the right choice.
 
The kids really care about each other when it comes to the crunch. In-between-times tho they holler, hurl and bully to the extent that neighbours will have a go at them to “Knock it off!” I have noticed that each foster child uses a piece of technology as a way to avoid thinking about “stuff”. They become absorbed by the TV or Internet as a way to not spend time with themselves, each other, or me. Yet, they are constantly trying to get my attention and spend time with me when they are not with the screen or keyboard. So I figured…I’ll give them more time and attention…

After rolling on the ground telling me he was “going to die” and from her that “we don’t have %#$! as it is” we settled in to not having an assortment of luxuries to distract ourselves with. I sacrificed Boston Legal and some other crime shows, so it was not like they were going it alone. Pay day saw me at Office Works and Spotlight picking up sketch pads and pencils, paints and brushes, material, cushion inserts, meters of calico, a family board game and a budget sewing machine from eBay (it was a good pay week).

Something I learned a long time ago was to replace what I took away with something of equal value. I have two highly expressive foster children so I gathered materials to encourage that self-expression.

Well a week has gone by and my boy is lapping up the extra attention and opportunities to show how he finds meaning in the world. My girl however…had done a runner…again…gone now for three nights (methinks the Cairns Festival is providing her with food and company). Before she absconded tho, she was engaging more with me, having more controlled arguments with her foster brother and taking time out to read a novel and write poetry. So I do not think the lack of technology was a big factor in her choosing not to return home. I hope to see her soon~ safe.

Meanwhile, my boy and I are in the middle of decorating a coffee table and he is doing most of the work- presently applying crackle effect paint. If my tytping is mussed up it’s because of the hot glue stuck to my middle finger - which hurts! The left over hot glue is being used on sketch pad paper to be painted over later as pieces of abstract art. We got the idea from the Flight display and auction currently on at Kickarts, a rich source of inspiration for us in our discovery of ourselves, and each other (btw. my sister has a piece on display).

At this point, I highly recommend ditching some technology around the home to foster better relationships between family members, and oneself. The initial shock soon wears off, and it is a delightful feeling to bask in the natural sounds of the surrounds, and to hear kids laughing and talking to each other. As well, it is good for the heart and soul to see the family taking the time to venture into their own psych for entertainment, solitude and peace-making.

We are making each activity a time for learning moments:

http://imaginif.com.au/~ima33724/blog/2007/08/21/parenting-around-protective-behaviours/

and

Next week we make a puppet show for friends like Lizzie:

http://imaginif.com.au/~ima33724/blog/2007/08/20/protective-play-interview-with-frizzy-lizzie-a-frilled-neck-lizard/